Hurt
by MotherGoddessOfChickens
Summary: Dean has been lying to Seamus everyday, and lies hurt.  Also, I'm aware the first chapter doesn't really match up with the other chapters as well as it should, it's because I intended to make this a one-chapter story. But it's not, so...oh well!
1. Confessions

Dean Thomas's life was going down hill. Someone he trusted dearly, his ex-girlfriend, Ginny, had told everyone his darkest seceret. No one saw him the same. Everytime he'd stroll down the hall people would look at him oddly and make noises of digust. All of his old guy fiends abandon him, thinking that Dean had a crush on them. Of course, that wasn't true.

Even his best friend in the entire world, Seamus Finnigan, hadn't said much to him. He'd never sit by him in class, they wouldn't joke around anymore, and basically do anything like they used to before everyone found out Dean was gay. The only person that still seemed to see Dean the same was Ginny, and he was angry with her that he never wanted to talk to to her.

Seamus wasn't particualry mean to him, he just tended to avoid him. This hurt Dean more than anything. His best friend, the only person in the world that understood him, was the only person he wished he could still talk to. The silly little Irish boy had been there for him since day one, helping him through tough family times and when Ginny dumped Dean. (Of course, Dean wasn't actually hurt because he liked her, but because Gin made it look like he was straight.)

"Hey Shay, did you get the answer to number three of Binns worksheet?" Dean asked one night in an empty dormortry. The three other boys they shared the room with had left Hogwarts to spend the Easter holidays with their families. Usually, Dean and Seamus loved this week, because neither of them celerbrated Easter and they had the room to themselves. They liked to stay up and late and set things on fire.

Not anymore, of course.

"Yeah, I got C." The small boy said without looking up from his paper.

"Thanks." He paused for a moment. "So...are we gonna set things on fire like usual?" Dean asked with a grin.

"No." Seamus mumbled, trying to look busy with his finished assignment. Anger built up in Dean. Could almost six years of friendship really be torn down by something as silly as Dean not being straight? He knew Seamus wasn't homophobic, he didn't care whan Lavender came out as a lesbian. Was it just because Dean was a boy and Lavender was a girl? Did he think Dean had a crush on him or something?

"Why not?" He set down his paper and turned to Seamus.

"Just 'cause." Was all he repsonded with. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take being treated like this anymore, it had been almost a month, he thought people would get over the shock by now.

"What's your problem, Seamus? Honestly, it's not like I'm gonna hit on you or anything. I'm still Dean, nothing's fucking changed!" He yelled, standing up. The light skinned boy kept his face down, sighing.

"I know. I just..." His voice trailed off.

"You just what?" Dean asked, even more pissed than he was a few minutes ago. "We've been friends for years, Shay, _years_! Out of all of the damn people here I thought you'd be the one who wouldn't care!"

"I know."

"Then why are you treating me like this? You won't even look at me right now!" When Dean said this, Seamus looked him straight in eye, and the dark-skinned boy understood why he wasn't looking at him at first. Seamus's eyes were filled with tears, his nose was red and a frown was plastered onto his face.

"Shay-" He started, but the boy cut him off.

"I've been waiting for you to come out." He wiped his own tears before continuing. "I was really excited when you finally did. But the first thing you told me after I heard is that you didn't like me. I'm not treating you like this because your gay, I'm treating you like this because I'm hurt, Dean, I'm hurt."

"W-what do you mean?" His voice was getting shaky.

"I thought you liked me when I figured out you were gay. I found out when Ginny dumped you, and before you say anything, she didn't tell me. I figured it out myself. I was so excited, I never thought you'd be like me."

"You're...you're gay?" Seamus nodded.

"I've been so hurt, you've been telling me every day that you don't like me. It hurts, Dean." The irish boy repeated the word _hurt_ so many times that Dean felt himself getting misty eyed.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I love you, Dean." With those words, Seamus stood up, grabbed his best mate by his shoulders and crushed his lips agianst Dean's. After a few moments, they pulled apart.

"I-I'm sorry. I've lied to you everyday." He looked Seamus directly in his beautiful eyes. "I love you, too."


	2. Reality

Dean woke up the next morning, trying to remember if the night before had been a dream. He turned in his bed to see that he was only one still in the room on this lazy Saturday. His eyes wandered to Seamus's bed, and he couldn't help but smile remembering how good it felt to hear the silly little Irish boy say the magic three words to him.

Filled with euphoria, Dean quickly dressed and ran down to the common room, which consisted of Neville, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Seamus.

"Hey Shay." Dean smiled. But he wasn't expecting Seamus to shoot him a mix of a confused and disgusted look and then turn back to the card game he was playing with Ron. He thought for a moment, did Seamus and him really kiss last night? Did they exchange 'I love you's? Yes, it was real, he knew it was.

An even harder reality hit him when he realized why Seamus reacted like he did to the too friendly greeting he just recieved, he didn't want to people to know. Dean stood for a few moments as he went over everything in his head. Seamus glanced up when no one was looking, and their eyes met. His sympathetic blue eyes met the brown, trying to form a silent apology.

Dean ran back up the stairs, plopped down on his bed and began to draw. He knew Seamus would be back up shortly to apologize to him. He wasn't sure whether he'd accept it or not. He thought the confession and the kiss meant they would be together, _boyfriends. _He thought it meant he could hold Seamus's hand in the halls and buy him drinks when they went to Hogsmeade. But all of Dean's simple desire's were crushed with that one look.

Just as Dean predicated, Seamus stepped in the room, quickly shutting and locking the door behind him. The sketch pad was set aside as the dark boy curiously looked over at him, admiring every little part of him. From his ocean eyes right down to every little freckle on his nose.

Seamus kept his face agaisnt the door as he spoke. "I'm sorry. I just don't want people to know. I saw what happened when you came out, and well...I can't handle that. You're stronger than me." He muttered.

"So what? You're just gonna tell me that you love me and act like it meant nothing?" Dean asked, furoius as he flew up. The Irish boy kept his face pressed agaisnt the door to hide his emotions.

"I didn't say that. It meant...everything."

"If I mean so much to you than you shouldn't care what other people think." He had waited years to finally share mutual feelings with Seamus, and he finally did, but nothing would come of it. It angered him that he couldn't have what he wanted after waiting for years.

"It doesn't mean we can love each other in private." He turned around, suddenly wanting to kiss Dean.

"No." Dean said after a moment, storming past the significantly shorter boy. "No, I will not do this stupid seceret realtionship thing. Why are you ashamed of me?" He added the last sentance with his hand on the door knob.

"I'm not ashamed of _you_. I'm ashamed of your gender." Seamus couldn't bear to look Dean in the eye, so he kept his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor.

"Honestly, Seamus. Last night you told me how much it hurt that I wasn't with you. And now-" But Dean was cut off.

"No!" He looked up. "I want to be with you! So much. I just don't-"

"Want people to know. Yeah, I get it. Bye Shay." Dean finished as he left the room. Seamus stood in the same spot for a good minute after Dean walked out. He managed to get to his bed before silently breaking down. He loved Dean, he really did. But could he lose all his friends for him? Would he lose the repsect and love of his parents for him? Would he become an outcast and be secretly hated by everyone for him? Seamus wondered to himself why he was even a Gryffindor if he was such a coward.

Dean sat silently in an arm chair, thinking to himself. Would being in a secret realtionship be so bad? _Yeah, it would. _He reminded himself. He wouldn't deal with that again, not like he did with Blaise last year. The constant worry of being caught is what initiatally drove them apart, and he feared that would happen with him and Seamus. Deep down, he knew it would best to eitheir be in a public realtionship or just not one at all.

_If we were public, we could deal with everything together. _Seamus told himself. _No, Dean can't help me when it comes to my parents. He can't stop them. _He plunged back down into his pain, the same feeling when Dean would give him the daily reminder of not caring for him. The hurt feeling.


	3. Denial

As Dean cooled off, Seamus only grew more angry. They didn't speak for the rest of the day, or even Sunday. They didn't speak Monday morning as the got ready for school, they didn't sit next to each other during class or even breakfast or lunch. Seamus never even glanced over at Dean, knowing that if he did the hopeless longing would fill him with rage. Dean couldn't help his eyes from wandering over to him, wishing to kiss him one more time or even just talk to him.

Their distance did not go unnoticed. No one decided to say anything, most people passing it off as the 'Dean is gay' awkwardness. But one person noticed the difference. Before, it was just short talking and less touching, but now it was complete seperation.

"Dean," Hermione Granger asked Monday night in the desereted common room. "What's going on between you and Seamus?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, staring down at his sketch pad.

"You two are acting...weird. Did something happen?" Dean glanced up at her, decided whether or not he wanted to tell her. He could trust Hermione easily, but would give up Shay's seceret?

"Well we-" He carefully selected his words. "Got into a little fight...about me being gay and all. And before you say anything, he wasn't being a homophobe or anything."

"Then what was it?" She pressed on. He shook his head, hoping she'd drop it. "He likes you, doesn't he?"

"What?" His head snapped up. How did she know?

"I can see it. He gives you the same look when you aren't looking that Lavender gives Pansy."

"Whoa whoa. Lavender likes _Pansy Parkinson_?" He asked shocked. Hermione's hands flew to cover her mouth.

"Oh! Please don't tell anyone, but yes, I heard her talking to Parvarti about it. Their kinda togehter, secertrly, since Pansy isn't ready to tell anyone. But that's beside the point. Does Seamus like you?" As she said this, the door swung open and a short Irish boy stepped in, his brow thick with sweat from the intense heat outside.

Dean stared, his longing increased. Seamus looked up from his feet and saw Dean staring at him.

"What?" He snapped. It was hard to see Dean's blush through the dark skin, but color rose to his cheeks as he looked back down at his sketch pad. It's hard to explain how it feels to be in-the-closet with no intentions of coming out and being in love with your best friend unless it's happened to you. Anger is the only thing you can use to cover up what you feel, and that's all Seamus could think of to resort to. He stomped up the stairs to hide in his room. 

"So is he just afraid to come out, is that it?" Hermione suddenly said after a brief silence.

"Yeah." Dean responded quietly. "How did you figure this all out?"

"I'm observant." She repsonded, her eyes scanning over a book she had opened. "Go talk to him."

Obeying her command, Dean sat up and ran up the stairs. He entered the room to see Seamus sitting on his bed.

"Honestly Shay, you change your emotions faster than a girl." Dean stated.

"So do you." His voice was monotone. "Can we pretend Friday night never happened?"

"_W-what_?" That was the last thing he expected to hear. "If this about you trying to deny liking boys, well, dammit Seamus, it's not gonna go away. I tried to deny it for _three years _and never went away!"

"You don't understand." Seamus turned over in his bed to face the wall. Before Dean could respond, their three other roommates entered the room, oblivouis to the tension and only continued laughing as the started up a game of wizards chess. Dean shortly left the room after their arrival and went back to the common room, which still only contained Hermione.

"So?" She asked.

"He wants to pretend that we never admitted that we liked each other." He tried to hold back tears.

"Well, that's Seamus for you. It'll be okay." She tried to comfort him, but Dean didn't listen, he headed straight for the door. "Where are you going?"

"To make him jealous." Dean annouced angrily before swiftly leaving.

The next morning at breakfast, Seamus entered the Great Hall, surprised not to see Dean at the Gryffindor table. He sat across from Harry and Hermione, noticing that she gave him odd looks of dissappointment. He turned his head down to an empty plate, not intending to fill it. He hadn't been able to eat properly since Friday evening. He hated having feelings for Dean, they were so stressful. For one, he didn't want to be gay, it would cause too much trouble. Second of all, Dean was his best mate! Having romantic feelings were already driving them apart, who knows what would happened if he acted upon them? His goal was just to wait until they were gone.

But he couldn't help the sinking feeling in his chest when he saw Dean walking in holding hands with Blaise Zabini.


	4. Guilt

The two boys took their seats at the end of the Slytherin table. Seamus only stared in complete shock, this was the last thing he expected to happen. Who even knew Blaise was into guys for starters? Dean felt slightly guilty for making Blaise beleive that he still had feelings for him and actually wanted to be together again, but it was the only way he could draw Seamus in. They say love conquers all, right?

"No way." Ron said, glacning over. "Zabini, _gay_? And with_ Dean_?" It hurt Seamus more to hear someone say it out loud. He had to deal with the fact that the two boys were truly holding hands, smiling, and laughing together, and that it just wasn't his imgination. He caught Hermione's eye glance over at the couple then back to Seamus, filled with worry, then back down to her toast.

Although the Great Hall was probably the biggest room in the castle, Seamus felt like the room was shrinking and he was being suffocated. He gathered his things and quietly left the room, hoping no one would make the connection on the timing of his departure. He headed for Slughorns classroom, his stomach turning when he remembered Gryffindors had potions with Slytherins. He entered the empty classroom and took a seat, Slughorn commenting on how early he was. Seamus only gave a weak smile and tried to make himself look busy.

Back in the Great Hall, only one person seemed to notice Seamus's reaction, Hermione of course. At first, she had been mad at Seamus, but her loyailties switched the moment she saw Dean's fingers intertwined with Blaise's. It was one thing to be mad at Seamus, but it was a whole new level to use another innoccent boy to hurt Seamus to the point where he'd be forced to come out of the closest. It reminded her of when Ginny had forced Dean to come out, and how hurt and scared he was. Would he really do that to someone else?

Excusing herself from her friends, she silently made her way over to the Slytherin table, where the two boys were sepearated from the rest of Slytherins, enjoying their meal.

"Dean? Can I please speak to you...alone?" She asked, her eyes examining Blaise.

He nodded. "I'll be back in a sec." The Gryffindor realsed the Slytherins hand as he followed Hermione to the corner of the Great Hall.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I think it's best you stay out of this, Hermione." Dean stated, hoping she wouldn't make him feel guilter that he already did.

"No, I won't. I can't beleive you'd do this to Seamus." He shifted umcomfortably and looked over at the Gryffindor table, where the silly little Irish boy was missing. "He left after you two sat down." She stated after she noticed his gaze.

"I'll talk to him in potions." Dean said under his breath.

"And another thing, do you even like Blaise? Please don't tell me you're using the poor boy."

"Don't be mad at me, you're the only friend I've got." His eyes were wet but no tears were escaping as he glanced back to her. "You-you just don't understand. I feel guilty, okay? But I want Shay, no, I _need_ him. And I feel like this is the only way, because he won't listen to me. Like I told you, he wants to pretend like that night never happened. So, I am. I'm pretending it never happened and persuing a realtionship with someone else."

Hermione dropped the subject, not wanting to start an argument. She understand where Dean was coming from, but still, what he was doing was wrong. Dean gathered his things and walked to potions, still holding hands with Blaise. After a few minutes of walking down a desereted corrider, the two realized that had taken a wrong turn and would be late for class. They retracted their steps, laughing about how the got lost after going to the class room all year. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw three huge Slytherin boys standing in their path.

Potions class began with Slughorn instructing them to open their books and attempt to make a potion that cured the common cold. Seamus thought it would easier to focus with Blaise and Dean missing, but it only clouded his vision further. Where were they? Skipping class to be together?

"Ah, Miss Gragner, could you please assist Mr. Finnigan seeing as we're short on a few students?" Slughorn asked. Hermione nodded and walked over to Seamus's desk where she began at gather ingredients.

"Do you know where Dean is?" She asked after a few moments. Seamus kept his distance from the couldron, knowing if that he helped he would probably cause another explosion like he did every day he tried to help. In fact, the action was so common that the potions master had put a rag at Seamus's spot so he could whipe off whatever would explode onto his face.

"N-no." He responded with a shaky voice, the mention of Dean's name making him feel like there was a hole in his stomach.

Both Dean and Blaise were on the tall side, but when it came to muscle, they were lacking. The first boy grabbed Dean, and held him while the other two attending to Blaise, one holding him and the other ripping his wand from his hand and throwing it down the hall. They disarmed Dean and gave them both devious smiles.

"Stupid fags." One said before violetnly punching Dean in the face. His jaw ached as he tasted blood in his mouth from his lip colliding with his teeth.

"Dean!" Blaise yelled right before he received his first blow to the face. The boy that wasn't restraining them took turns punching each boy in either the face or gut, yelling out vulgar names at them. This was the first Dean had ever been physically assaulted, but the names he was being called hurt worse than the bruises forming on his eyes. More painful then anything was watching Blaise get hit. It was Dean who convinved him the night before to come out and be his boyfriend. If Dean hadn't convinced him to come out, he wouldn't be in this mess. The guilt of using Blaise dominated all his emotions.

Potions ended with a bang when Seamus attempted to help. He had incorrectly measured something and added way more than the recipe called, and caused a explosive reaction. The rag was soon a deep purple as he whiped off his face and the desk.

"S-sorry Hermione, I'm so bad at this." He muttered.

"It's okay, here, let me help." She pointed her wand at the desk and muttered a cleaning charm as the purple liquid dissappeared. Seamus decided to take a longer and more quiet route back to the common room. He turned left down the hall as the rest of class turned right, his foot rolling on something as he almost fell over. He glanced down to see two wands, one he was certain belonged to Dean Thomas.


	5. Chances

Seamus looked down the hall, expecting to see Dean running over to re-claim his wand, but it was empty. He collected the wands and speed walked down the hall, something must be wrong, who would abadon their wand? His stomach lurched when he saw little rain drops of blood covering the floor.

"Dean?" He called out, but the hall was so empty that his voice only echoed. Wands still tight in his grip, he quickly made his way towards the hospital wing, fearing Dean might be there. He made his way to the large doors, and gently pushed them open as he slid inside. Two beds were occupied, one by a unrecongizable sleeping Blaise Zabini, and a badly beaten Dean Thomas.

"Seamus?" Dean said, noticing the small boy who had just stepped in.

"W-what happened?" He asked, walking over to the side of the bed.

"Got our asses kicked basically." Dean laughed, pointing to his bruised face. But Seamus did not smile. As much as it hurt him to see Dean hurt, and relived him to see that he was okay, he still could not get past the fact that his _boyfriend_ was sleeping right next to them.

"Well I hope you get better." Seamus repsonded bitterly as he turned to leave. He heard Dean begging for him to come back, but he didn't turn. Sure, he kind of brought it on himself by telling Dean to forget that they admitted their feelings for each other, but still, dating the _very_ next day? Harsh was the only word that came to mind.

Weeks drug on miserably for both boys. Dean tried to pretend to be interested in what Blaise was saying and tried to enjoy kissing him, but only one boy was always on his mind, a cute little Irish boy. Seamus tried to act like it didn't bother him, he tried to act like the old Seamus by hanging out with Ron and Harry a lot, but he always glanced at the dark-skinned boy he couldn't stop thinking about.

The two boys never spoke, never even making eye contact. It was begining to frustrate Dean that his plan to make Seamus jealous wasn't working. Even Hermione pointed it out once, informing Dean that Seamus clearly wasn't going to budge and that he should just break up with Blaise and stop using him. But Dean wouldn't, not after he caused so much trouble for the poor Slytherin, he would make him happy as long as he could. 

It wasn't until three weeks after that the two boys finally spoke. It was quiet Monday evening, most of the students down at the Qudditch pitch to watch the Hufflepuff vs. Slytherin match. Seamus wasn't feeling very social, his moods acting like a rollercoaster ever since that Friday night. He was curled up on the window sill, starting out across the school grounds. He heard the door creak open, turning to see Dean step in with a large peice of parchment in his hand.

"Sorry." Dean said, turning to leave. "Just wanted a place to work on my paper but I'll go-"

"No, stay." Seamus said, his eyes glued to Dean's back. A flood of emotions washed through out Dean. When he thought about what they would say when they finally got around to speaking, he thought it'd be a fight or something horrible. But instead, it was Seamus asking him to stay. His heart longed for the Irish boy, and he wanted more than anything to stay.

"I thought you were mad at me?" Dean said, turning to look at Seamus.

"I love you, I can't stay mad at you." He replied casually, turning out the window. A lump rose into Dean's throat, he never thought he'd hear those three words again. But then he rememerbed what Seamus had told him weeks ago, that Friday night never happened. Why was he changing his mind again?

"Would you make up your mind already? You loved me three weeks ago, you haven't loved me for the past three weeks, and now you love me again?" He spat.

"Are we gonna take turns being mad at each other still?" Seamus whined, throwing his head back.

"Well, you're a very frustrating person!" Dean yelled.

"Kiss me." Seamus whispered softly, his eyes squeezed shut. It took Dean a moment to decided whether or not to obey that command. The biggest factor was Blaise, his boyfriend that he had no true feelings for, the boy he was using so he could kiss Seamus again. He didn't want to cheat, but a chance to kiss Seamus was rarer then the silly Irish boy successfully brewing a potion.

He couldn't resist. His feet swiftly carried him over to the window, where Seamus was sitting silently with closed eyes. Dean leaned down and gently pressed his lips agaisnt the other boys. Electricty flowed through him, he forget what it felt like to kiss someone you actually have feelings for. There was no chemistry between him and Blaise, unlike him and Seamus.

Next thing Dean knew, he was throwing Seamus down on his bed and crawling ontop oh him, his hands digging through the short brown locks. The light-skinned boys arms were locked around Dean's neck, keeping him from pulling away from his lips. Guilt betrayed Dean as he flew up, breaking away from Seamus.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I'm with Blaise-"

"But you don't love him like you do me." Seamus argued, pain in his voice.

"Yes, but he's not afraid to kiss me like that infront of other people." Dean said, causing the other boy to be silent for a moment.

"I can't come out. You got the shit beaten out of you, that only scared me farther into the closest." The taller of the two couldn't help but smile when he said this. "Plus, you've met me mum, Dean. She already hates you, my cousin told her, he tells her everything that goes on in me life. I swear she pays him to do so. But do you know what she'd do to me? I just can't..." His voice trailed off. "And I know I told you that I wanted to pretend that night didn't happen, but fuck, it did. I'm not gay, I just love you. Does there have to be a label on it?"

_I'm not gay, I just love you. _These words rang in Dean's head, he always loved the way Seamus put things.

"I'll-I'll think about it, Shay. Seceret dating...it's hard. I just don't want to ruin what we have. But...I'm going to break up Blaise, soon. I can't keep using him."

"You're using him? _For what_?" His sad expression faded as anger replaced it.

"Uh...to make you jealous."

"You'd really want to hurt me like that?"

"Hey! You were the one who told me to forget everything! I had every right to date someone else!"

"Well yeah, if you actually cared about them! Not if you wanted to hurt me!"

"Shay, I'm sorry-" Dean apoligzed, his volume lowering as Seamus flew up.

"_Why do you keep hurting me, Dean_?" He asked before slamming the door on his way out.


	6. Revealed

Crying yourself to sleep is the easiest way to get to that deep slumber. The tears and painful jerking of your chest exhausts your body horribly. Dean fell asleep about an hour after Seamus stormed out, staining his pillow with salty tears. The other boy stayed curled up in a chair in the common room, starting into nothingness for hours. It wasn't until everyone returned from the Qudditch game that he finally snapped back into reality.

Hermione made her way over to the couch next to the chair. It didn't take long for her to notice the pain in Seamus's eyes.

"Um, Seamus? Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." He lied.

"No, you aren't." She scanned the room, not surprised when Dean wasn't present. "Did something happen with Dean?"

He didn't even reply. Seamus stood up and walked out of the common room, not really sure where his destination was. He just needed to get away. His head needed to be emptied. The sky was darkening and even a few stars had begun to shine as the short boy walked along the edge of the pond. He closed his eyes as he laid on the grass, remembering the signifgance of this spot.

It was right before the Yule Ball, a rather cold blistery day. Dean and him were having a snowball fight right along the pond, finally collapsing in exhausten after an hour.

"Look, a fox!" Dean pointed out as an orange flash darted across the other side of the lake. His hand met Seamus's as he lowered it. Both their cheeks burned with embarassment as they pulled their hands apart.

This was the memory Seamus used for his patronus. His heart ached for the tall dark boy, but he wouldn't go running back to him. Not after he intentionally hurt him, not after he used another boy to drive Seamus mad with hopeless longing. Not after he tried to force Seamus to commit suicide by coming out. Dean was usually the only person Shay could ever forgive, but not this time. This was just too far.

Dean dreamt that Seamus left Hogwarts, that he completely dropped out because of him. Near of the end of his dream, Seamus was boarding a train that had appeared in front of Hogwarts, and Dean was running to stop him. He begged him to stay, but Seamus only told him that hated him and never wanted to come back. Darkness filled his vision as Dean's eyes flittered open, wet with new tears from his dream.

He turned over in his bed to see a lump in Seamus's bed, his chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. Why couldn't everything just be easy? Dean drifted back into sleep, exhausted by a new set of tears.

He awoke the next morning in pain, knowing what would happen to today. He dressed and gathered his books before dragging himself to the Great Hall. He spotted Blaise at their usual spot at the end of the Slytherin table.

"Hey." Blaise smiled, leaning into kiss Dean. But he only pulled back, dreading what he was about to do.

"We have to break up, Blaise." He said so quickly it could have been all one word.

"Why?" He asked calmly. Dean wondered whether or not he should tell the boy the thruth. No, he'd only hate Dean and he couldn't trust Blaise to keep Shay's seceret.

"I'm just not feeling it like I used to..." Dean lied.

"It's okay, I understand. I could tell anyways...you know, lack of chemistry." Zabini responded, not seeming to be that upset. "I don't regret this, I needed to get out of the damn closet." They gave each other a weak smile before seperating. Dean's stomach flipped and he had no intentions of eating. He saw Seamus sitting at the Gryffindor table, pushing food around his plate but not putting any his mouth.

"Hey Shay." He said, sitting next to him. Seamus didn't even stir as if Dean didn't greet him at all. "I broke up with Blaise." He whispered quietly.

"Doesn't change anything."

"I-I know." He expeceted the answer, but he still hoped it would change something. He saw a flash of blue as Seamus tilted his head slightly to look at Dean, and then turn his head back down. "You know my intentions were getting you?" Dean lowered his voice so only the boy next to him could hear. "I only did it because I wanted you more than anything." 

Seamus repsonded with silence. Dean had enough. He quickly put his hand on the far side of Seamus's face to turn it towards his own, and crushed his lips agaisnt his. He didn't care if everyone in the Great Hall was watching, which was about half the school. Seamus had no objection, his eyes closed within seconds as he melted into the kiss and reality faded away.

Then he remembered they weren't alone. The short boy flew back, staring around in shock to find several pairs of eyes staring at them. He jumped up and fled the hall, not even bothering to bring his books with him. The shocked eyes turned to Dean, who's face was a mix of sadness and relief. Releif that he finally kissed Shay infront of other people, and sad because he just revealed the poor boy to everyone.

"I shouldn't have done that." He annouced to everyone who was staring. Dean collected Seamus's thing and exited the Great Hall. He found Seamus shortly in a near by bathroom, his hands clutching the side of a sink and his face down. He spun around when he heard the door open.

"What the hell, Dean? Now everyone knows about me!" He yelled.

"I didn't make you kiss me back." Answered Dean with a smile.

"This isn't funny! This was your plan all along wasn't it? To force me to show everyone who I really am? I won't be able to go back home. My cousin saw us. Thanks a lot, D. Really." He turned back to the sink. Warms slipped around his waist as Dean hugged him from behind.

"Well now you have nothing to hide, so might as well embrace it, right?" He whispered, nibbling at his ear.

"Stop that." Shay said, but Dean didn't. He made a trail of kisses down the side of his face until he reached the beating pulse on his neck. Lips locked around this point, he sucked on it knowing it was a pressure point. Seamus let out a grunt before spinning around, still in Dean's grasp. The darker boy was signifcantly taller, tall for his age while the either was short for his age. Seamus got on his tippy toes, trying to reach Dean's lips.

"You're so short and it's so cute." Dean smiled.

"Just shut up and kiss me." Commanded Seamus as the taller boy leaned down to meet his lips.


	7. Safe

"I'm not holding your hand." Said Seamus bitterly as they headed back to potions class.

"So you'll snog me but you won't hold my hand?" Dean mockingly asked.

"I'm not touching you in public, no offense." His face grew a bright red. Dean was still in too good of a mood to even care that Seamus didn't want to show public displays of affection. The deserted hall soon filled with the late-starters, the kids who would skip breakfast to sleep in longer. Seamus sighed in releif when he remembered this half of the school didn't see their kiss, not that they wouldn't hear about it later on.

They enetered the potions room and took seats on opposite sides of the room to attract less attention. The room quickly filled up, people seeming to avoid Seamus's open seat. He didn't know whether it was because he was possibly the worst potions partner out there or just because what happened earlier. Hermione Granger took her usual seat next to Dean, leaving only one seat left, next to Seamus.

Ron Weasly stumbled in the room a few minutes late, his face going blank when he realized the only open seat was next to Seamus. The Weasly was one of the few people who didn't seem to have a problem with Dean's gayness nor did he seem to accept it. He was one of the people who kept a respectable distance without being straight up rude. Ron awkwardly sat down across from Seamus, giving him a quick nod before paying attention to what Slughorn was saying.

"Was he mad?" Hermione asked Dean moments into class.

"He was at first, he wanted to be anyways, but he wasn't." He answered.

"Are you two gonna be couple now?" She asked hopefully.

"I dunno. He doesn't want to even sit next to me in public, does that answer your question?" Dean asked slightly annoyed.

"Sorry." She mumbled, looking down.

"No, it's fine. I don't mind the lack of PDA, I get where he's coming from but-"

"Something you'd like to share, Mr. Thomas?" Slughorn asked.

"Yeah he would! Go ahead and share how gay you and Finnigan are!" Crabbe laughed along with Malfoy and Goyle.

"Shut up!" Seamus yelled from across the room.

"That was highly innappropite, Mr. Crabbe! Ten points from Slytherin!" He lowered his voice as he turned to Dean. "And, Mr. Thomas, in the future, please have you personal conversations when I'm not trying to instruct my class? Five points." The proffesser continued to give instructions as the Slytherins still laughed as the shot looks at both Dean and Seamus.

These actions didn't go unnoticed by Seamus or anyone else for that matter. He swallowed hard, silently cursing Dean for kissing him only an hour ago. Didn't he know that Seamus wasn't strong enough to handle all the looks? The words? That he wasn't able to just ignore it? That everything that everyone said and did would forever be etched into his mind?

They began brewing, Seamus not even hearing what it was for. Ron searched around the table for a walnut, a key ingredient for the potion. Seamus found it first, picking it up and holding it out in his hand to the ginger boy. Anger filled him as Ron carefully removed from his hand with two fingers, careful not to touch the other boys skin.

"I'm not _diseased_, Ron." He snapped, shutting his book.

"Well I don't know where your hands have been." He muttered under his breath.

"_What_?" Seamus yelled loud enough for the entire class to hear. "Just because I prefer boys doesn't mean I touch every fucking penis there is, the same why you don't go around touching every girls vagina. Grow the fuck up, Ron." And with that, Seamus fled the room, ignoring the stares he was getting.

"Well!" Slughorn said after a brief silence. "That was interesting! Interesting class, wouldn't you say? Well, clean your cauldrons and you can all go."

"Um, 'Mione, do ya mind-?" Dean asked.

"Go get him." She smiled, pulling the cauldron over to her. He leapt out of his seat and left the class before anyone had moved. Searching the hall, he saw a flash as Seamus rounded the corner. Dean had to run to keep up, always a hall or a staircase away.

"Shay, wait!" He assumed that he would lead him back to the common room, but instead he only climbed higher in the school until they were heading up the owerly, Seamus finally forced to stop running once he reached the top.

"Ron's just an arse. Are you crying?" He asked, approaching his back. Seamus's eyes were wet, but he wasn't crying, that was the last thing he was going to do. Sure, words hurt, but he wouldn't let them yank him apart. "We only have a month left of school, that's not bad-"

"That's horrible, Dean!" He yelled, turning around. "We go home over the summer!" Seamus paused, hoping Dean would figure out why he was so horrfied, but the dark eyes only stared in confusion. "Me_ mum _is at my home! Do you know what she'll do to me? She'll kill me! She'll-"

"Shh." He silence the short boy with a passionte kiss. "You'll be of age a week after schools out. You can come live with me then. My mom doesn't care, she loves it. Can you survive a week?"

"I won't survive ten minutes." Seamus moaned as he rested his forehead agiasnt Dean's chest. "If these kids don't kill me, me mum will."

They headed back to the common room in silence, both dreading what would happen once they returned. They entered to rather shocking scene. Ron was laying on the ground, cluthing the bridge of his nose. A crowd surrounded them, some cheering, some laughing, and others yelling horrible things at Hermione Granger, the girl who stood over him with balled fists. She was the only person who seemed to not notice their entry.

"Yes, I will defend them! Because their love is no different then anyone else's! Hate them in your head all you want, I can't do anything about that. But the moment you say something like you did in class to eitheir of them, you can bet your Weasly ass that I'll be the first person to hit you!" Hermione yelled.

"Whoa, Hermione said 'ass'." Harry laughed. "You pissed her off good, Ron." The ginger only turned to his best friend with an angry look as he scrambled up and headed for the door, pausing when he realized Seamus and Dean stood in his path. Despite the fact Hermione had just punched him for being rude to them, he gave them both a look of digust before shoving Dean out of his way.

"Oh! Dean, Seamus! Sorry, I couldn't help it, he-" She started once she realized they were in the room.

"You're brilliant, Hermione, really." Dean smiled, walking over to hug her.

"She is." Harry added. "Just so you two know, if you guys wanna...you know, be a couple in here, no one really gives a damn except for Ron, and well, the Slytherins, but other than that-"

"Not all Slytherins are like that!" Lavender inserted herself into the conversation. "For one, Blaise Zabini is gay, as you all know. Second and most imporantaly, my girlfreind is a Slytherin!"

All Dean could do was smile. He was so happy that he acted in his stupid impulse to kiss Shay in front of everyone. In just one day, in a little over an hour, Hermione showed everyone who was boss _and_ Lavender might finally go public with Pansy. He glanced over to see a blank faced Seamus. He wasn't exactly sure what he should feel. The bullying might stop in the Gryffindor tower, but not anywhere else.


	8. Fire

All of the cruel words had made Seamus quite bitter. He wouldn't talk to anyone, even Dean, not even if they were completly alone. His head would always be facing the floor, his mouth always sewn shut. The only time his mouth ever opened is when he'd privatley kiss Dean in a bathroom or their empty dorm, but he still wouldn't say a word before or after. He'd ignore people, even teachers, when asked a direct question, pretending not to hear them.

Dean made sure always be near him. Seamus had no strength left to stand up for himself when people would say horrible things to him, so Dean took up the job of being the quiet boys voice. He couldn't help but feel it was his fault that Seamus went mute by sort of forcing him to come out, although every time he'd say it his only repsonse was the most passionte kiss he had ever felt.

It was about three weeks of being mute that Seamus finally spoke. Dean entered the common room, exhausted from Qudditch practice. He found Seamus sitting on his bed clutching a letter and reading it intently.

"She kicked me out." It was the first time in weeks that he heard the adorable Irish accent, and he couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth through his body. Just hearing his voice once more was like music to his hears. He was so happy to hear him speak he almost didn't comprehend what Seamus had said.

"Who?" He asked.

"Who do you think? Me mum, here read it." He held out the letter. Dean walked over and took a seat next to him on the bed, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"It's really good to hear you talk again." Admitted Dean.

"Don't get used to it." He whispered. He looked down at the depressed boy, not knowing how he could make him happy again. He pulled Seamus tightly agaisnt his chest and gently pressed his lips to his forehead before reading the letter.

_Seamus-_

_I've sent your belongings to the Leaky Cauldron where you'll be staying until you come of age, I've paid one week for the room until your birthday. It's your problem after that._

_Mrs. Finnigan_

"She didn't even sign it 'Mum'." Seamus managed to choke out before he began to cry. All that Dean could think of to do was wrap his arms around him and hold him until he stopped. He reminded Seamus that after that week he would be living safely with Dean as long as he wanted, but it didn't stop his sobs.

"Wanna set it on fire?" Dean asked pulling Seamus away so he could look at his face. The Irish boys smile went across his entire face.

"You know me so well." He smiled before prying himself from Dean's grasp and grabbing his wand. They placed the letter in the center of the room, aiming his wand at it before muttering "_Incendio_." The parchment burst into flames, letting out a screeching howl as it did. "Shit! She knew I'd do that!" Seamus yelled covering his ears. His mother would enchament all the parchment she ever bought to make noise when it was set on fire, seeing as Seamus had a tendancy to secretly set things on fire at home. Well, not home anymore.

The fire ceased as the paper was reduced to ashes. Seamus admired his handy work for a moment before turning to Dean. They arms wrapped around each other as they began to kiss. Dean had to litteraly pick Seamus up off his feet, leaning down so far for so long was quite uncomfortable. He plopped him down his own bed before crawling over him. Seamus placed his hands on Dean's chest to push him up.

"No, let's snog on _Ron's_ bed." He smiled evily. Dean obeyed with a smile as they travled to the Weasly's bed.

"Nice one, guys." Neville's voice laughed as the flew apart. "Sorry, I just needed my quill, carry on." He left with a wink. They returned to the bed, snogging until neither could breathe anymore. They layed next to each other on their backs, fingers intertwined.

"Shay, are we...you know, together?" Asked Dean.

"I guess. I mean, you love me and I love you, and that's there really is to it, ya know?" He answered. There was a short silence before he spoke again. "I'm not mad at you, just so you know, for kissing me and kinda exposing me. I'm just mad at everyone else for making such a big deal outta it." Unsure how to respond, Dean only rolled onto his side to kiss Seamus's freckly nose. "Let's go do our homework, Binns essay is due tommorow and I didn't even start." For the first time ever, Seamus allowed Dean to hold his hand in front of other people as they made their way downstairs.

Not even ten minutes later, Ron came flying down the stairs, Dean's wand tight in his grasp.

"Why was _your_ wand on _my_ bed?" Ron spat, chucking the wand at Dean.

"Shit, Ron, no need to throw things." He said retriving his wand.

"I've been tolerant of you two for Hermione's sake but I just can't anymore. I can't act like I'm okay with it." He said. Seamus was sitting at a desk, nervousily glancing at Ron and Dean, then hiding his face in his arms.

"You know, it's people like you that caused Shay to stop talking. How would you feel if the person you loved wouldn't say a word to you? I've been tolerant of you because I didn't want to be a dick, but I can't act like I'm okay with you being an ignorant bastard all the time! You saying all these things hurt worse than Crabbe and Goyle because I thought you were our friend! How come you're okay with Lavender and Pansy? Because they're girls? Do you think we're gonna hit on you because I think Shay and I have both made it quite clear that we like each other and _not_ you, Ron." Dean yelled.

"It's not my fault that you two are gay, so don't blame me for my actions." Ron argued.

"That was probabaly the stupidest thing you've ever said, and you've said some stupid things. It's no one's fault that we aren't straight, we were born like that. And yes, I will blame you for your actions because _you_ make them. It's already frustrating enough being what you call, abnormal, and then you have to go and make it worse by saying all these horrible things? Shay just got kicked out of his own bloody house,_ his own mother disowned him_. The last thing he needs is you-"

"His mother had every right to do that! He's a fag and it's bloody disgusting!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Seamus yelled, turning around. "I'll tell everyone right now, Ron! I will! Don't think I don't know why you act like that towards us!"

"What are you talking about..." Ron asked nervousily.

"You know." He repsonded, hate in his eyes. Several more people had come down from their domortries to watch the fight. "You left your bloody journal out two weeks ago. I think you should be thanking me for not telling everyone by now."

"_You read it_?"

"I made copies, too." He smiled. "I knew you'd deny everything or might even destroy the journal once I've told everyone-"

"Don't say anything! You bastard!" Ron begged.

"What are you two-?" Dean started to ask.

Seamus only smiled as Ron grew panicked. "Ron's got a little crush on-"

"Don't!" He screamed.

"Dean. Ron likes Dean and he's filled quite a few pages with these very detailed dreams he's had..." Rons face went blank as people began to whisper. "It's why he hates me so much, he's also had dreams about finishing me off so he could have Dean to himself. Isn't that right?" The ginger fled the room before answering, storming out of the common room.

"You knew that all along and you haven't told until now?" Dean asked as everyone gasped in shock.

"Well, I was taught to never fight fire with fire. But hey, I fucking _love_ fire." For the first time, they kissed infront other people. The last two weeks of school were quite enjoyable. Ron seemed to leave them both alone, and was even the first person to defend them when Crabbe or Goyle said anything. Seamus was himself again, talking and laughing like he used to. He had no shame in holding Dean's hand or even kissing him no matter who was watching.

His week at the Leaky Cauldron was filled with visits from Dean and even Hermione once or twice. He moved into Dean's spare bedroom, although he spent most nights in Dean's room, sleeping in his arms. They both got summer jobs at a diner down the road from Dean's house, detirmned to save up enough Muggle money to buy a place of their own.

"Well, one more year." Seamus said on the last day of their summer holidays.

"Yup. And I reckon this one will be a lot better than last year." They sat in Dean's old tree house, which they had restored for a place to hang out. Seamus had accidently taken off the roof in a rather loud explosion a few weeks ago. Instead of replacing it, they decided to keep it off so they could enjoy the stars. "Now that I've got me a boyfriend."

"Ugh, you know I hate that word." Seamus groaned, always hating labels. "Can we not be mushy and just have sex instead?"

"No! You've had it your way almost every day now. Not that I don't enjoy it, but I think we should take a night to be mushy." Dean squeezed him tigher.

"C'mon, you know you want me." Seamus teased.

"I always have."


End file.
